Author: Shalom.I.Am.me

Solo dates and people-watching are among my favourite activities.

Recently, I sat in a café watching two young twin brothers play a Math game on their iPads while their parents scrolled through their phones in silence. I spent the entire time observing them.

Then, quite accidentally, through the reflection in the father’s spectacles, I realised he was arguing with someone on Telegram. The boys’ mother, meanwhile, was scrolling through a dating app.

The boys remained absorbed in their game.

Very grateful that I no longer have to be afraid of something like that happening to me because I would neither ignore nor betray myself in my silent little life.

This needs to be said.

There was a time when I felt very lonely despite being surrounded by people.

On most mornings back then, right after waking up, I felt an intense hatred for being awake and being alive.

I would scroll through my phone’s contact list and wonder if I should reach out to the people who usually reached out to me.

By the end of the scrolling exercise, I always arrived at the same conclusion: I had nobody to talk to.

It’s very different now; I no longer hate being alive. I also consciously choose myself over everyone else, especially during the first few hours of being awake.

On most days, I am up before the sun rises. Hours pass before a conversation with anyone other than myself begins. And I consciously make it that way.

I remain a hopeless romantic, though.

I still love the occasional cute moment of romance that catches me by surprise.

I just don’t expect encore episodes or anything serious.