No, I’m not about to talk about making big bucks in the shadow economy.
Recently, through being by myself more often, I had some time to think.
From those thoughts appeared a realisation that I had some serious inner flaws that required rectification.
It was shocking because I’d never before thought of those traits as flaws — or red flags.
That realisation led me down the path of shadow work, which essentially refers to the act of self-reflecting and exploring parts of the self that one often denies, hides or avoids.
Many why’s and what-should-I-do’s later, I decided to change a few key aspects of my life that were feeding some of my serious flaws.
For example, I tend be clingy around those I love. (But! That’s just a surface-level observation.)
As I dug deeper into this, it became more apparent to me that I had a fear of being abandoned.
This might have come from the experience of being ditched for someone more exciting in most of my romantic relationships.
But looking deeper than that, I learnt that my fear of abandonment must have come from being emotionally isolated and mentally abandoned by my parents when I was a child, and never being allowed to feel like I was good enough or deserving of kindness and love.
So, in addition to being clingy, I’d also become a people-pleaser. (I consciously have been trying to curb my enthusiasm for people-pleasing.)
But, going back to the topic of my clingy-ness… while “doing my shadow-work”, it was evident that I’d been inconveniencing some of my loved ones by being exceptionally clingy.
I finally understood how accommodating they had to be by often catering to my emotional needs, by being present and by walking me through the many doubts I’ve had about my relationships with them.
Shadow work isn’t a one-off process.
It’s going to take me time to realise why I react and think in the ways that I do. It’ll also take time for me to condition myself to hold back at where I should and let go at where’s good.
I’ll keep at it until then.
If you haven’t taken the time to do some shadow work, you should. Totally worth it!
All the tea, none of the chill 