Pretty Little Death

Tag: friends

  • Oh no, oh no, I have a friend.

    ♡

    Friendship-related clichés have no room to exist in this post.

    But please feel free to recall all that you know of and Google a bit more haha. They’re all very heartwarming, I know.

    Being neurodivergent AND high-functioning has made it difficult for me to find kindred souls and generally anyone I can actually befriend and be a friend of/to long term.

    Three months into any of my adult friendships, I would usually find myself getting sick of masking my neurodivergence and facing a very real internal meltdown.

    After which, I drift away and essentially end the friendship silently.

    Sometimes, the inverse happens. People get tired of me and the friendship ends.

    Over time, I’ve learnt to accept the realities and limitations of my social life.

    But not too long ago, an angel walked into my life and became my friend when I most needed one.

    My thoughts on this friendship are always shared with them personally and they know how grateful I am to have them in my life.

    I just wanted to say that neurodivergence isn’t a cage to keep me in and away from good friendships and meaningful relationships.

    It’s a filter that keeps out all the friendships and relationships that shouldn’t exist.

  • Catch a cold, not feelings

    Solo dates and people-watching are among my favourite activities.

    Recently, I sat in a café watching two young twin brothers play a Math game on their iPads while their parents scrolled through their phones in silence. I spent the entire time observing them.

    Then, quite accidentally, through the reflection in the father’s spectacles, I realised he was arguing with someone on Telegram. The boys’ mother, meanwhile, was scrolling through a dating app.

    The boys remained absorbed in their game.

    Very grateful that I no longer have to be afraid of something like that happening to me because I would neither ignore nor betray myself in my silent little life.

    This needs to be said.

    There was a time when I felt very lonely despite being surrounded by people.

    On most mornings back then, right after waking up, I felt an intense hatred for being awake and being alive.

    I would scroll through my phone’s contact list and wonder if I should reach out to the people who usually reached out to me.

    By the end of the scrolling exercise, I always arrived at the same conclusion: I had nobody to talk to.

    It’s very different now; I no longer hate being alive. I also consciously choose myself over everyone else, especially during the first few hours of being awake.

    On most days, I am up before the sun rises. Hours pass before a conversation with anyone other than myself begins. And I consciously make it that way.

    I remain a hopeless romantic, though.

    I still love the occasional cute moment of romance that catches me by surprise.

    I just don’t expect encore episodes or anything serious.

  • Laugh lines, it’s fine.

    If you had told me 10 years ago that I would spend my days laughing uncontrollably more times than I could count, I would have laughed at you.

    Because what a joke that would have sounded like to ever-upset me back then.

    So imagine my surprise when the first lines I got on my face from age were nasolabial folds — laugh lines.

    I was expecting something around the eyes from crying so much in life.

    But, it’s a no to botox and fillers (not that I think it is wrong or judge anyone who gets those — everyone gets to choose what they like).

    I just think wrinkles and lines are special. Like tattoos, they tell a story of how (well) you’ve lived. And if laugh lines are my first, I’m truly blessed.

    It is my honour to wear it like a medal. Battle scars can step aside. 

    Kthxbyegn!!!

  • What is this name!

    Random image ✅️⬆️ Random Caption ✅️➡️ So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell?

    Anyone who really knows me knows that I have a thing for names.

    When I was starting this site 10min ago (okay maybe 30 by the time I finished writing this), the blog name just appeared in my head out of nowhere — which, honestly, is how most important things in my life tend to happen.

    For those who aren’t Tamil-speaking, unmaireally just means true (உண்மை), really. It also has another meaning (in spoken Tamil) when read very quickly — which is quite the opposite of true, really.

    Anyway, I decided to start this blog because a friend told me I should write about what was going on at work and bothering us.

    While the statement was made in jest, it was quite insightful and inspiring. Lol.

    But, I will not be writing about work now! I am having fun with this blogging activity, feeling like I’m 25 again.

    Okay, Ground Rules (for me, obviously):

    ♡ No AI. Why blog if I am going to be pasting thoughts and writings from an intelligence that isn’t even real? Lame.

    ♡ No formalities, no perfection-obsession. Screw the perfect grammar, perfect English, perfect anything. If you want to read something properly written, go buy a book. (Author Recommendation: Ernest Hemingway)

    ♡ No identity revelations. I suppose, only the people who know me will have this blog URL in the beginning. So, that’s that.

    Okay time check: 2am. This means, igtgkthxbyegn